


When the Bard always crits

by Lana_the_salty_banana



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Comedy, Fucking Bards, Human, M/M, different point of view, dragon - Freeform, natural 20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 17:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18595693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lana_the_salty_banana/pseuds/Lana_the_salty_banana
Summary: A bard tries the time-honored tradition of seducing his way through the campaign. He nat 20s the very male dragon.





	When the Bard always crits

            “So, you find yourself alone in a cave, separated from the rest of your party, and the ground beneath you begins to shake.”

            “Okay. Is the room pitch black or can I see?”

            “As you look around more you find that there is enough ambient lighting that you can see the rather large size of the room, and some glittering a little way off.”

            “Okay. Um. I slowly make my way to the glittering pile, keeping my eyes out for any types of traps.”

            “Okay, make a dice check.”

            “Alright. Sweet. Nat twenty.”

            “Ugh. Okay. As you make your way forward, you notice a couple minor trip hazards on the floor, but you either avoid them easily, or luckily. The closer you get to the glitter, you find that it’s a large pile of gold and other golden items.”

            “Oh boy. Does it smell like fire or just, anything burned in general?”

            “As a matter of fact. You smell burnt stone, and a slight scent of burnt flesh, and the ground shakes again, this time much harder.”

            “Oh damnit. I quickly turn around and make a run for the entrance.”

            “So, make an athletics check. HAH! Okay so immediately as you turn around, something whips out from the darkness in front of you, stopping you in your tracks. You notice now that the object is a dragon’s tail, and you feel a blast of hot air on your back.”

            “I slowly turn around, holding my hands up to show I have no ill intent.”

            “As you turn, the dragon is looking down at you, who is rather small, still young even. ‘Who are you? And why did you try to take my gold?’ The dragon has a rather higher pitched voice for a male dragon.”

            “I lick my lips and smile up to the dragon. ‘Oh, I wasn’t interested in your gold. I uhm…came for a greater prize.’”

            “The dragon…wait. Please don’t tell me you meant that.”

            “Oh, I did”

            “Damnit. Okay uh, I guess, make a charisma check? Fucking hell, a twenty?”

            “Hah. So, I smile up to the dragon, “A dragon with such beautiful scales, and obviously so strong, you’re the true treasure here.’”

            “Ugh. The dragon pulls his head back slightly, but gives a smile, sorta…blushing at the same time. ‘oh, well. I uh…you flatter me. But…why a dragon?’”

            “I take a step forward, reaching my hands forward to rub the dragon’s cheeks. ‘It’s exactly because you’re a dragon that I love it. I’m a…crazy guy by my friend’s definition, and I openly love the idea.’ I end the little monologue with a kiss on his nose.”

            “Uh…roll another…fucking damnit. Okay, the dragon opens his mouth and licks your face, smiling. ‘Alright, you convinced me. I have been rather lonely here. You wouldn’t by any chance be…’ His voice trails off, leaving a little implication that…well.”

            “So, I smile wider, blushing slightly, as I give the dragon one more kiss on the nose. ‘Oh, you don’t need to feel bad about asking. I am more than willing to-’”

            “Nope no, fuck that. I’ll just throw in something. I am not DM’ng you fucking a dragon. No.”

            “Aw come one man, don’t be a cop-out.”

            “Well guess what. I don’t care. We’re moving on.”

            “Fine.”


End file.
